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What to Wear When You Don’t Know Your Style Yet (aka How to Find Your Personal Style)

Have you ever looked in your closet and felt like you didn’t like any of the clothes in there? Or you thought, what is my style? Or you couldn’t figure out why the heck you bought all of these things in the first place? Well, don’t worry. The good news is that you aren’t alone. Everyone has looked in their closet at some point and had the same thoughts.

The internet says that you go through at least five different life transitions during your life (Okay, I totally made this up, but I think it’s safe to say that you’ll go through at least one transition at some point). Any time you’re going through some sort of change (new job, different city, new kid), you’re going to feel like some part of you is evolving and with that, you want your wardrobe to match this new part of you. It might be that you’re starting a new job where you don’t need to wear suits, so your closet full of suits isn’t going to work anymore. Or you’re now a stay at home mom, so a wardrobe of business casual clothing won’t be best for baby spit up (been there). The point is that no matter what this change is, part of you, and ultimately your wardrobe changes with it.

Why Not Knowing Your Style Is More Normal Than You Think

Not knowing your style is completely normal. Or knowing your style at one point and then slowly losing track of what it was. Why does this happen? Whenever some sort of change happens (like we just talked about), you buy more clothes to match the new you. So the more change, the more clothing fill out your wardrobe. Combine that with wanting to match current trends, you’re going to hit a point where your closet is filled with clothing from all those different eras and you’ve completely lost the plot.

(Side note: Speaking of eras, Taylor Swift is a great example of style shifting with life changes. Look how her wardrobe shifts with every new album/era. If she’s kept all of the clothing from each era, she would need a new house to fit all of her clothing.)

The point is that it makes complete sense why you’re staring at your clothing and you don’t know what your style is. But even more important is that it’s okay that this has happened.

What to Wear Right Now (Before You “Figure It Out”)

Okay, so we’ve established that there’s a problem and how you got there. So what do we do now?

First, I’m going to tell you what you’re not going to do. You aren’t going to buy more clothing. That’s just going to make a bigger problem. Instead, you’re going to shop your own closet.

You’ll start by first putting together some basic, neutral outfits and outfit formulas. These are easy, simple outfits that you feel comfortable wearing. For some, it might just be tees and jeans. For others, it might be oversized sweaters and leggings. Or work pants with a simple sweater. The point is to go simple and universally flattering silhouettes. Good examples of these are easy a-line clothing, straight leg pants, or wrap dresses (you don’t have to wear these exact items, this is just to give you an idea).

Here are some examples of basic outfits for me:

Notice a reoccurring theme? I love jeans, a sweater, and flats.

How to Find Your Personal Style

Start With How You Want to Feel (Not How You Want to Look)

Next, think about how you want to feel. NOT how you want to look. Do you want to feel confident? Do you want to feel calm? Or how about feeling like the boss? Or just feeling comfortable? There is no right answer to this question and you might even have a couple of answers. Maybe you want to feel like the confident boss during the week and feel comfortable and relaxed on weekends. You just want to zoom in on those feelings and give them names.

For me, I always want to feel comfortable. I want to feel comfortable with my appearance and comfortable in my clothing. I have a few other feelings for different situations, but comfort is always at the top of my list.

The 3 Categories of Clothes You Need While Finding Your Style

Now that you have an idea of what you want to feel, it’s time to find those clothes. I’m going to go through three categories of clothing you want to have, but you’re going to do this in two rounds. First, you’re going to find the pieces for these categories that are already in your closet. After you’ve gone through your full closet (yes, everything in there) and figured out what you already have, then you can go looking for pieces to fill in the gaps.

Reliable basics

These are your daily go-to pieces. The pieces you always reach for. They’re your basic tops and tees, sweaters, and bottoms. For me, this would be my short sleeve tees, jeans, and a few sweaters/sweatshirts that I can layer them.

One “you feel good” outfit

Do you have an outfit that you can put on and know you’re going to feel amazing? Maybe you have a suit that fits perfectly and makes you feel like a boss. Or it’s a dress that you know you always look good in. This outfit can be anything, it just has to make you feel like the best version of yourself.

Situational outfits

These are the outfits that have a specific events attached to them. For instance, it can be your outfits that are solely for the office. It could also be the outfit that you primarily wear to run errands. Or, even more specific, the outfits you will wear for your kids sports games. These outfits have a place in your closet because they have tasks or events already attached to them (the things that are ALREADY on your calendar).

When you’re looking for the pieces that fill the gaps, you should do a lot of browsing before you actually buy anything. Look to see what’s out there and if there’s anything you actually want right now. You want to take this part very slowly and be intentional about your clothing. You don’t need to get all of this done in a weekend. In fact, you SHOULDN’T do it all right away. Go slow and figure out what you really want.

There’s also a chance that what’s “in” right now doesn’t match your style at all. There was a solid year when the things that were popular were either baggy, tied-dyed, or crazy bright colors. None of those things fit me, so I spent more time browsing than I ever did shopping.

Mistakes That Make Style Confusion Worse

There’s a 99% chance that you’ve made one of these mistakes before and it’s made your style even more confusing. You shouldn’t be ashamed of making these mistakes, we’ve all made them. I have made these mistakes in the past so many times that it’s ridiculous.

Buying Aspirational Pieces

The first is buying aspirational pieces. I was actually just having a conversation about this with a client. Millennial women, remember when we were all buying “going out tops”? We would find a top and think, “this will be perfect for when I go out!” But how often did you actually wear those tops? More importantly, where did we all think we were going?!

Another example of this is buying pieces for when some event happens. For example, “this dress will be perfect for a fancy holiday party.” Great, but do you actually have a fancy holiday party to go to? Mostly likely, you don’t. If your first thought is “this piece will be perfect for when…” ask yourself, do you actually have that “thing” planned? Is it on the calendar or do you just hope it might be on the calendar? If it’s not actually scheduled, don’t buy the clothes.

Copying People with Different Lifestyles

The other major mistake people make is copying people (or influencers) who have different lifestyles from you. I’ll use myself as an example for this one. I love Kate Middleton’s style. I find everything that she wears so classic and beautiful. But I don’t spend my days going to important public events. I spend more than 75% of my week on the floor with my toddler, so buying the pieces that she wears just doesn’t make sense for my lifestyle. Now, can I find pieces that match my lifestyle and have the same vibes as Kate? Absolutely, but we’ll get into that later.

Another example, Bronwyn Newport has a style that is so much fun and embraces high fashion. But since she spends her time on Bravo and going to runway shoes, there’s a good chance that her clothing will not work for your office job. And that’s okay! You can love and appreciate her style, but know that you shouldn’t copy it for your own day to day outfits.

How a Personal Stylist Helps You Find Your Style Faster

Are you a little overwhelmed with all of this? Do you like the idea of doing this, but you just don’t have the time? That’s okay, most people don’t have the time to do all of this closet auditing.

That’s why hiring a personal stylist can be the perfect solution.

A personal stylist can cut through all of the noise and help you find your style. They’ll give you objective feedback on your clothing (that your husband will most likely never do) and help you part with the pieces that don’t work with your style and lifestyle. Even better is that you don’t have to do all of the browsing for clothing. A personal stylist will already have an idea of what’s out there, so they know where to look to find those perfect pieces.

The best part? Working with a personal stylist will save you so much time and money. You won’t spend money on things you’ll never wear or forget to return those failed orders. They’ll help you figure out what’s worth saving in your closet and what pieces are the best new additions. It’s the perfect solution for busy woman who want to look good, but don’t have the time to spend putting outfits together.

FAQ

• How long does it take to find your style?
  I will be completely honest, it’s not a fast process and there’s no exact amount of minutes or days that it will take. It can take time to go through your entire closet and actually figure out what you love and what works for your life.
  
  The good news is that working with a stylist can help to speed up that process. By giving a more objective view point, a stylist can help you quickly and efficiently go through your closet. They’ll also be a quicker to figure out what exactly your style is and what pieces will be best for you to get.
  
• Do I need to start over?
  No! That’s the best part about this. The bulk of the pieces you need are probably already in your closet.
  
  That’s the important part to remember: your style is already in your closet.
  
  That’s why going through your closet is an important first step. It helps you find those pieces. It also gives you an idea of where you are and where you need to go from there. I have never had a client who has needed to get rid of everything and start completely from scratch.
  
• Can a stylist help if I hate shopping?
  Yes! In fact, a stylist is a perfect for people who hate shopping. I can do all of the shopping for you. Some of my clients love the shopping part and want to be involved, but I have others who are happy to hand it over to me. It’s what works best for you and your schedule.

Curious about working with me? You can check out my rates and services here or book a free consultation call so we can talk through your options.